We have just a few days before the election. It’s a very important time to be praying and seeking God for what His heart is for our nation. One of the biggest challenges we face is protecting the unborn. South Dakota actually banned abortion two years ago, but opponents challenged it and the ban was lifted. Now we have a measure that would make most abortions rare and includes exceptions for rape, incest and the health of the mother. I recall being a college freshman in 1988. Some peers and I were discussing abortion and actually talked about how we felt about it and what we would do if we were a rape or incest victim or had a medical emergency that would put our lives at risk. Would we carry our baby to term or would we abort? At the time, I didn’t know much about abortion, had never talked to anyone about it, but I really felt that I could never go through with one. Ten years later, I did go through with one, and now 10 years past that, I am still suffering from the consequences. God, in His grace and mercy has been so faithful and loving and has never left me nor forsaken me. He was right there when I had my abortion, and He has been there for me since then. The hardest part was realizing that God saw it all, every grizly detail. Yet, He cares enough for me that He paid the ultimate sacrifice for my sins by sending His Son, Jesus Christ, to suffer and die on the cross for my sake, then to gloriously rise from the dead so that I may have eternal life with Him.
Most days, I am carefree and happy. Then there are days, where I feel like I am falling apart, depression comes and goes, and so do other feelings. Some people talk about anniversary dates, but for me, those don’t mean a thing. My post-abortive struggles surface whenever and wherever, not during the times when I would have been giving birth or at the anniversary of my abortion.
When I was in sixth grade in 1981, I had a best friend, who was killed in a three-wheeler accident. It took me around 17 years to get over her death. Her mother has never gotten over it. The loss of a child for a mother is probably the most painful thing that someone can experience and some never get over it.
I am one of these people, who believe that God takes us through things in life, no matter how painful to build our character, develop our maturity and to take us to a higher place. We all experience troubles in life, pain and sorrow, joy and peace. It’s all a part of life; it’s all part of learning to find comfort in the grace of God and His sovereign love for us.
I experience alot of emotional healing. For me, the emotional stuff is more painful than anything physically I have ever dealt with. Just two nights ago, I was in my bathtub, kneeling with my face over the water, watching it drain out, and I cried, “Lord, I am so sorry. I didn’t know what I was doing.” God has forgiven me. I have not quite forgiven myself yet, but I had major breakthrough in that area. Thank You, Lord!
The greatest challenge for me has been dealing with menopause. Yes, I am too young for this, being only 38. I tend to blame myself for this early onset, and the lie from the enemy has been that it’s my fault because I aborted a child and lost out on motherhood and won’t have that chance again. That’s a lie from the pit of hell. It’s been prophesied to me that I will have many spiritual daughters. Through World Vision, I sponsor a child from Congo, and her name is Gracia. When I saw her and her name, I knew she was a special girl and that God wanted to express His grace to Gracia through me. It’s been such a blessing to pray for and support Gracia while sending her things through World Vision. I want to help children around the world as much as I can, and God has opened up an avenue for me. What the devil intends for evil, God uses for GOOD. Thank You, Lord!
If you are a post-abortive man or woman, I want to encourage you. God loves you with His whole heart and He is not mad at you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Reach out to Him, call upon His name and you will be saved. I called upon the Lord at the darkest time of my life, and He heard me and changed my life. He wants to change your life, too, so call upon Him. He really cares for you!
God bless you!